Kaori Kawamura
Ever since I was a child, I have been drawing pictures (comics), writing, and taking pictures.I've always been trying to send out something.
I hope that I can be a switch that changes someone's perspective and feelings.
I hope to continue expressing myself through words, pictures and photos.
9.10.2024
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
I wish I could... let... do more for me.
I don't know why, but lately I have been feeling that I want to make myself feel better about myself.
It is the first time I have ever had this feeling of wanting to “let myself be good.
This is a new feeling for me.
It reminds me of the similar feeling I had for my mother before she died.
She would have always put her family first and herself on the back burner,
I wanted her to have more fun and good thoughts.
For some reason, I suddenly felt this way about myself the other day.
I thought, “I should take better care of myself.
Loving myself.
I know that it is important to value myself more, to love myself more, and so on.
I knew that it was important to value myself more, to love myself more, to respect myself more, etc. I knew that I had done everything I could do,
I had been doing what I could.
But this time, I felt as if I was looking at myself from a slightly different perspective,
“I want to give me a better experience."
I had been living my life for a long time, and I had already had enough.
I feel that this feeling includes the thought, “That's enough.
I have been suppressing my true feelings and desires for a long time, and I think I have had enough.
For a long time, I have not been good at just having fun.
I thought that there had to be meaning and significance in doing something,
I think I have never allowed myself to enjoy something from the bottom of my heart.
For some reason, I felt as if I was not allowed to do so,
Perhaps I even felt guilty.
I was not even aware that I had this sense of “not allowing it,
I thought, or rather tried to assume, “It's okay, I'm not interested in it.
I thought I was fine with cheap places and cheap things,
That was exactly what it meant to have a low sense of self-worth.
I still remember the time when I was a student and my parents were going to buy me a bag for my birthday and I had to pick it out myself.
I felt that a nice bag would not look good with the clothes I was wearing, so I bought one from the cheap wagon.
Even though it was a birthday present?
I was convinced that it suited me and told my parents so,
I was probably disappointed myself,
I still remember it.
After that, I started to learn more and more about how the mind works,
I learned about self-worthlessness and self-denial.
Although I was not from a wealthy family, I think I was blessed with a good environment.
Yet, for a variety of reasons, I had created a situation in which I felt low self-worth.
Regardless of my current situation, my world is made up of my thoughts and beliefs.
Recently, I have been watching a lot of Youtube videos of women who have a rather high-class lifestyle.
I first saw a video of her traveling in Paris, staying in a nice hotel, shopping at fashionable brand and vintage stores, visiting tasteful sweets and bread stores, eating delicious food at restaurants, etc. She is traveling in a slightly richer way than I used to be.
What you see in the videos are all beautiful and wonderful things.
It is not so much that she is making them that way, but rather that is how she actually lives.
The attitude of enjoying to the fullest what you think is wonderful,
It is very inspiring to me as I am trying to release what I have suppressed for many years.
The fact that I am watching such videos, which I never watched before, is a change in itself.
And then I thought.
Let me have more and better thoughts.
This world is a playground anyway, so let's enjoy it more.
The soul lasts forever, but life is not.
What we do with the rest is up to us.
Be more and more free.
Only you can decide that.
7.1.2024
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
Paint again
The year 2024 is already half past. How fast...
For several years now, I have felt like a child who still has homework to do at the end of summer vacation.
I wonder if I have been procrastinating, not finishing what I really wanted to do.
In Stay Salty in 2022, I wrote about taking an on-demand course by watercolor illustrator Marie Abe.
The course was called "First Time Sketching in a Short Time," and the book had been published earlier. Later, a culture center in the Kansai region opened a course where students could learn by watching videos on the Internet.
The person has an atelier in the Kansai region, so as a Kanto resident, I could not have wished for a better opportunity to take this course.
Seeing is believing, and being able to watch her paint while listening to her explanations was a real treat.
The first lecture was "Cafe Part 1" and "Cafe Part 2,
The following spring, there was "Shortcut Sketching in the Garden,
And this spring, I took "Shortcut Sketching for Travel.
Shortcut sketching" is a method of drawing a line drawing with a waterproof pen and then quickly applying color with watercolors. The students practice this method of quick sketching in a short period of time.
It does not mean simply sketching in a short time,
It means not painting everything, not painting all the colors, and choosing what to paint or not to paint as a motif,
There is a process of bringing it down to a level where I can draw it in a short period of time with an awareness of how to create a picture.
I don't really follow the process that strictly, and I spend quite a bit of time on it,
I sometimes paint exactly the areas I want to paint when I want to paint something that is not part of an assignment.
However, just by understanding the process of painting, regardless of how good or bad I am at it, I have become so much more aware that I can paint,
I am impressed by the fact that I can become so "conscious of being able to draw" just by understanding the process of drawing.
When I was a student, my friends and I were drawing comics, not paintings.
I used to draw with inked pens such as G-pen and round pens.
Therefore, I was very familiar with line drawings, and sketching with a pen even gave me a nostalgic feeling.
On the other hand, I used transparent watercolors in art class at school,
Looking back, I don't remember being taught how to use them properly.
When I tried again, I didn't even know the basics of how much paint to dissolve in how much water.
I remember rinsing the paint off the palette at the end of each art class, so I never thought about leaving the paint out and using it again.
(However, I heard that leaving the paint out is not recommended by the manufacturer because it deteriorates the paint.)
) So, I should have been familiar with transparent watercolors since I was a child,
It was a surprise to find out at my age that I was not familiar with how to use it after all.
When it comes to watercolor illustrations and watercolor paintings, unlike sketches,
Even if you draw a rough sketch with lines, you don't draw lines ringed with paint.
That's nice, but after doing both, I realized once again that I like line drawings.
I have always liked copperplate engraving as well, and have wanted to do it someday, but haven't. The reason why I like it is that I have always wanted to do copperplate engraving,
I realized that the reason why I like copperplate engraving so much may be because there are so many line drawings in copperplate engraving.
There are many different techniques in painting,
There are many different techniques for painting, but there is one that I feel comfortable with,
It is interesting to me that something so obvious should be so easy for me.
After graduating from school, I quit the manga club that I had joined with my friends,
I never drew pictures anymore.
It was not until long after I became a working adult that I decided to turn my attention to photography,
I wanted to take pictures that had the atmosphere I liked, and I was not sure if I would be able to take the pictures I wanted,
I wanted to take pictures that had an atmosphere that I liked, and also because, regardless of whether I could take pictures the way I wanted, if I pushed the button, the picture would come out.
If I had gone back to painting and started from the basics of sketching
I might have fallen behind in my attempts to express myself.
But the truth is, I always felt somewhere that I envied those who could draw.
I would draw a short sketch with a pen without any preliminary sketches.
It was a great way for me to get back into drawing, as I am not good at steady effort.
I guess taking pictures was okay for me, and I actually enjoyed it,
Now, when I draw something like an illustration, I feel like I'm just drawing for the love of it.
I remember the time when I used to draw cartoons just for the love of it.
In my case, I am not only happy as long as I draw,
I always included "sending out messages to the outside world" in the definition of "love.
Writing this kind of text is also a "love" that assumes there is even one person who will read it.
It is not so much about seeking recognition as it is about wanting to "communicate something.
At the moment, I am sketching everyday things in my surroundings, such as on a table at a café, flowers, or scenes from my travels,
I hope to eventually be able to create my own unique images.
Like a child, I would like to be able to immerse myself in a world driven by the feeling of "love,
It may sound like a chuunibyou-phobia, but I am sure it would be the happiest time of my life.
The color chart for the paint tubes in the photo is based on the chart in "Easy Watercolor Time" by Marie Abe.
Also, the sketches include the assignments from the "Time-Short Sketching" course.
4.15.2024
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
I was taught to paint with light.
It was not until March that I learned that my old photographer teacher had passed away at the end of February.
This year was a leap year, and I think his birthday was February 29, so I
I thought to myself, "Ah, so the teacher's birthday is this year."
Maybe it was just when he was leaving.
The photographer was Toshiyuki Shino.
He was a man who loved Italy and kept taking pictures of Italy.
I think the first time I saw Mr. Shino's photographs was at a bookstore.
It was a book entitled "A Journey through the Four Seasons in Italy" (Minoru Tanokura, Tokyo Shoseki, 1994, first edition), which was stacked on a shelf under a row of books on travel and Europe,
The photograph on the cover of the book caught my attention.
A blond boy was sitting on the stairs at the entrance of a red building.
He is reading a book while pointing at something.
A green door, a common sight in Italy.
A red bicycle beside him.
The whole picture is soft and softly focused.
When I saw it, I thought it was a perfect picture.
I understood what "painting with light" means.
I think it was at that time that I understood it not theoretically but through my senses.
It was long after I got my camera that I learned that the Italian verb "fotografare," which means "to take a picture," means "to draw with light,
It was only after I started learning Italian that I learned that the verb "fotografare" means "to paint with light.
At the time, I had a single-lens reflex camera in my hand and was attending courses for working people at a photography school,
I was taking various kinds of pictures with film.
I may or may not have been motivated to take pictures.
I was probably at a low point in my motivation.
Then I saw the cover of "A Journey through the Four Seasons in Italy" and wondered what kind of person took this picture.
I wondered what kind of person took this picture,
I was curious to know what kind of person took this picture and how he could take it.
It must have been some time later that I learned that a photography course was about to start at the Italian language school I was attending in Aoyama.
When I looked at the name of the instructor, I saw that it was Toshiyuki Shino.
Needless to say, I immediately applied for the course.
The Italian language school was located in an apartment building in Aoyama,
It was a stylish space furnished with Italian furniture.
I was happy to be able to listen to explanations in such a place while being shown pictures of Italy every time.
I asked questions more aggressively than usual, such as "How was this photo taken?
I think I learned what I wanted to know at that time.
After the course, I decided to form a photo club with the members who had attended the course and to invite the teacher to join.
We all went out to shoot together and often had dinner at an Italian restaurant at the end of the day.
We also participated in group exhibitions, which was a good experience and memory.
In 1997, I took our first trip to Italy in autumn.
The year before that, I had attended a language school for three months in a town called Assisi, so
I visited there again the following year.
The teacher was also staying in Italy at the same time for an interview.
I was able to accompany him when his stay in Assisi overlapped with my stay in Italy.
At the time, agriturismo, where people stay at farmhouses to enjoy nature, local food, and culture, was a hot topic, and I was part of a trip to cover agriturismo in various parts of Italy.
As a tripod owner, I visited two agriturismos, Villa Gabbiano and Malvarina, both located in the suburbs of Assisi.
I don't drive a car, so I couldn't go to the outskirts of the city.
It was also my first time to visit a farmhouse inn in the middle of nature, far from the town.
It was a good opportunity for me to take pictures here and there, even though I am an assistant.
Villa Gabbiano is owned by a maternal descendant of Santa Chiara, a saint from Assisi, and I unexpectedly met people who are related to the saint of 800 years ago.
Compared to walking around with a large group of people taking photos, like a photo club,
I was able to understand the style of photography better when I accompanied the photographer and watched the shooting from up close,
I could understand the style of photography better when I was walking through the streets of Assisi.
While walking through the streets of Assisi, I saw a group of girls sitting on the side of the road eating gelato.
As soon as he passed by them, he suddenly turned his camera on them and took a series of pictures.
The girls were so surprised that they started laughing.
Buono? (Is it good?)" and started to walk away again.
I was astonished to see that.
At the time, I was not very good at taking pictures of strangers, and I was not very good at asking people to let me take pictures of them.
When the photographer is open, the other person is also open.
It was an experience that made me realize that the subject's smile is a mirror of the photographer's smile.
After I learned that he had passed away,
I often recall my stay in Assisi.
I remember guiding him to the monastery, which was a 50-minute walk up a mountain road from the town.
I remember the restaurant where we had dinner with an American family with a small boy next to us, and we had a pleasant exchange with them.
It is a safe town, but I was somewhat brave to take pictures at night.
I was accompanied by my teacher and photographed Assisi at night for the first time.
I recall many things in fragments.
In these memories, I always have a film camera in my hand.
After the interview, the professor and I each moved to a different town.
Shortly after that, the great Umbrian earthquake occurred.
Assisi was also damaged, and I felt as if I had been protected just in time.
The second tremor caused the ceiling of the Cathedral of St. Francis to collapse, and a friend of mine was killed.
Later, I dropped out of the photo club.
Although I enjoyed walking and taking pictures with fellow Italy lovers
I felt as if I had already graduated from the club.
In the early 2000s, there was an exhibition of his Italian photographs at an Italian restaurant in front of Shinjuku station, and he recommended me for the following period and allowed me to exhibit at the same place.
It was the first time for me to have a solo exhibition, even in a restaurant, and it was thanks to him that I had the opportunity to display my photographs of Italy and flowers on the walls here and there in the restaurant for a month.
After that, I continued to do photography in my own way,
I never had a chance to connect with him again.
I can no longer remember when we last met.
Some connections last for a long time, while others only last for a short time.
The number of years is not a big issue; I believe it is natural for us to go our separate ways again once the exchange that was promised before we were born comes to an end.
That is how encounters with various people intersect, and we learn something.
I think what I learned from Mr. Shino was to "paint with light.
2.10.2024
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
Perfect Days
February has arrived.
Every year, January feels longer.
In the latter half of the month, I wonder if it is still January, even though New Year's Day feels like it happened a long time ago.
This year, an unexpected disaster happened on New Year's Day.
Many people may have felt that the days they take for granted are not at all normal.
The relaxing time of New Year's, the happy time with family and relatives, all of life,
I can only imagine how unbearably painful it must have been to have all of that destroyed in an instant.
This may sound a bit spiritual,
I was born with the grief and trauma of bereavement.
This time in my life, it has had a very big impact on me.
Therefore, I strongly resonate with the grief of those who have lost loved ones.
Whenever I read a newspaper article about bereavement with family members in a disaster situation,
I tend to read it and sympathize too much.
So I try not to get too deeply emotionally involved.
However, for this reason, I sometimes dare to talk about the soul and the spiritual world.
Knowing a little about the unseen world and the soul is different from knowing nothing at all about life and death, and knowing can be a source of emotional support.
However, even if we know something, we do not know how much of it is true.
It is not important whether it is true or not, but whether it is useful to you and to those around you.
In life, it is important to feel comfortable, to feel light, to feel
I feel better, lighter, more energetic, more joyful...
I think that is what it means to be useful.
You may feel guilty that you are happy while there are people suffering somewhere else.
I may feel guilty, but there is no need to feel guilty.
If there is anything that my tiny self can contribute to the world, it is to be a bright light for myself.
I can contribute to the world is to be a bright light myself.
We who seem to be in pieces are in fact connected at the root.
If I can be grateful for the peace and serenity I have now
The frequency that comes from you will spread around you like a ripple.
Based on that, if there is something concrete we can do, we should do whatever we can do.
During the period of restraint of the epidemic, I watched Youtube a lot.
I may have listened more often than I watched.
One of them was a video of a guided meditation by a well-known spiritual leader, and I decided to give it a try.
The guidance was about going from the 3-D world we are in now to the 5-D world in an elevator.
The 3rd dimension is a world where the material side is important, where there is good and evil, superior and inferior, conflict...
I tried to explain it to him, but I realized that I had not grasped it as clearly as I thought I had.
Anyway, I was going to try to go from the chaotic world I was in to a more spiritual and open world in my imagination.
Following the guidance, I got on a cylindrical elevator.
It had a square window.
From inside the elevator, I went up to another dimension, looking at the world I was in now.
The scene I saw through the window was a road with cars passing by, and beyond the road I could see the low-rise floor of a building.
Beyond the road, I could only see the low-rise of a building, a scene with a very narrow angle of view.
Seeing the scene of a common road, the location of which I did not even know, fade away below me,
I felt so lonely that I almost cried.
Cars and crowded streets, cluttered and unbeautiful buildings, crowded commuter trains,
The world on earth is full of troublesome rules and relationships, work that is not fun, and a society ruled by money,
The earthly world is full of troublesome things.
The thought of leaving it all behind and never coming back made me sad.
Then I realized.
I came here because I wanted to.
Despite all the bad, troublesome, and painful things that have happened to me.
I realized that I am here because I like it.
Today, as I write this,
I saw a movie called "Perfect Days," which had been on my mind for a while.
It is a film directed by Wim Wenders and starring Koji Yakusho, who won the Best Actor Award at the Cannes Film Festival.
The film depicts the daily routine of the main character, Hirayama, played by Yakusho, who works as a janitor in a public restroom in Tokyo.
As he leaves home to go to work in the morning, from his car, and in between jobs, he looks up at the sky.
During his lunch break, he pulls out his old compact film camera and takes pictures of the sun filtering through the trees overhead.
In the midst of his monotonous day-to-day routine, his mind is sometimes stirred by the winds and waves.
And then the daily routine continues.
It was a film that made me love the small days of my life.
People who have lost a loved one forget all about it,
That they will return to the same place, whether it is early or late.
Therefore, I strongly hope that the day will come when I will be able to enjoy their days on earth again, without rushing.
I hope that being here now will be perfect for them.
12.10.2023
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
Mother's Clothes
Five and a half years have passed since my mother went to heaven.
During that time, I had to quit the job I was working at, had unexplained health problems, and had that epidemic and period of self-restraint.
Perhaps it was because the period of self-restraint was particularly long, but those two or three years felt like they were squeezed together, and it didn't feel like more than five years had passed.
I am again surprised that such a long time has passed.
If I had to clean up my parents' house, I would have done it all at once, but since I lived with my mother, I have done it little by little, little by little.
When I opened the chest of drawers, I found that the clothes I had worn still had the smell of the deceased, and I could not throw them away because they reminded me of her real existence.
Some of the jackets and jackets are slightly different in size, but I can still wear them, and I have come to wear them with the same sense of gratitude as if I had more clothes.
However, I could not bring myself to wear sweaters, shirts, and other clothes that were in direct contact with my skin and close to my body, even if they were in good condition and wearable.
A colleague of mine who lost her mother at a similar time said that she could wear a jacket among the clothes she was left with, but when she wore something close to her body, she thought, "I'm going to be ruined if I wear this," and I empathized with her very much.
But after five years, I wonder if my senses have indeed changed. This year, I tried on a thin linen shirt that I had kept for a while, and wore it over a T-shirt.
The other day, when I opened a drawer to get rid of what was really left, some of my mother's old clothes looked fresh.
I found myself beginning to think, "Maybe I can wear this if I wash it," or "This might be interesting," which made me smile.
Perhaps it is because I have become a little closer to my mother's age in the past five years.
The shirt I took out today is a black striped shirt with a tight hem.
This one, which I guessed to be a suit skirt, was a tight tweed skirt made of a solid wool-silk blend.
I don't think I'll ever wear tight skirts again, but I can't throw them away easily because they are a waste of money.
Even if it is fast fashion like Uni something, I would wear it for years.
Or rather, I basically don't buy clothes that I think I can throw away after a year.
When I look at a solid suit from the past, it is clearly different from the clothes you can buy for a petit price today.
When I think back to the days when clothes were handmade or tailored, I feel that today's clothes, which are mass-produced the same way, are somewhat flimsy.
I still have some brooches and other items that my mother used to use when I was a child, and some of them smell quite Showa-era.
I used to feel that they were old-fashioned, but when I look at them now, they seem fresh and precious.
It is interesting to see how one's sense of self changes over time.
It's already December before I know it, and I don't think I'll be able to finish the year by putting things away neatly after all.
If I were good at sewing, it would be wonderful to remake old clothes, but alas, I have no such talent.
It's a good time to think about what you want to keep until next year, not only material things, but also relationships and spiritual things.
Just because we call it "decluttering" doesn't mean that we should throw everything away. If we feel that an old piece of clothing or accessory is still fresh, we should bring it back to life.
I think it is very enriching to make use of what we have in a different way.
10.15.2023
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
People are like living in a spider's web.
When did the term "web" first come into use?
At first, it was sometimes written as "web," and I thought it was hard to say, though I did not understand it.
WEB stands for World Wide Web, which directly translates to "a worldwide spider web.
Countless texts, images, videos, etc. all over the world are connected like a spider's web.
Recently, I have been thinking that we, human beings, are also connected to a myriad of information, each of which has its own connection to the other, and that it seems to form the thoughts and intentions of "me," the human being.
What we like and dislike, what we are interested in and what we are not interested in, where we want to go and where we do not want to go...these preferences and interests do not necessarily come from our parents and siblings.
Then, where on earth do they come from?
I am a person who believes that I had a previous life or past life at the same level as when I was a kindergartener, so I believe that my experiences across time and countries have influenced me in some way.
Why did I go to Italy so many times?
Why do I like England and France so much and Scandinavia not so much?
Why do I feel more at home in Okinawa than in Hokkaido?
Why do I feel nostalgic when I see images of China?
Why do I prefer world history to Japanese history?
Why am I more interested in the Heian period (794-1192) than my mother was in the Edo period (1603-1868)?
Why is it that I find it difficult to remember the kanji names of historical figures, but I can remember the katakana names of Western people?
Why do I feel at home when I visit churches, shrines, and temples?
Since childhood, I have drawn pictures and cartoons on the backs of flyers and stapled them together to form magazines.
When I was in elementary school, I was in the newspaper section and made wall newspapers.
I have an irresistible fondness for "stamping" things such as prints, stamps, and letterpress printing.
He is interested in manuscripts from a time when there was no printing, and he likes medieval manuscript decoration, which he has studied.
I like to combine images and text on a flat surface and lay them out.
I like paper. Especially handmade ones.
And I am attracted to pen and ink.
All of these things together, you could say that I like to "write, summarize, and communicate.
When I take these things out one by one, I feel that my tastes and interests are connected to a "spider's web that transcends time and space" that stretches across places and times all over the world.
Some of them have been my favorites since I was a child,
Sometimes I have always loved them since I was a child, and other times they seem to appear in my life at a certain moment in time.
But before that happens, you don't notice them even though they are right in front of you.
The very first article I wrote for DAYS was titled "Where there is a connection, there will be a guide.
At that time, I wrote a little about my encounter with Italy, but even before I was led to Assisi, the town where I went to language school, glimpses of these things were already around me.
Around 1990, I saw the introduction page of a movie called "Francesco" starring Mickey Rourke (I wonder what he is doing now?) and directed by Liliana Cavani in a movie magazine called "Roadshow" (no longer available).
I still didn't know anything about this saint when I thought, "Mickey Rourke playing a saint...but I'm kind of interested...".
Three years later, when I was traveling alone in Italy, I "happened" to find Assisi, the town where the saint, Francesco, was born, because I wanted to stop overnight in a small town that was easy to get to.
I had completely forgotten about the movie "Francesco" when it was released, but when I decided to visit his town and rented a DVD to watch, it pulled at my heartstrings to the point that I felt all too familiar with that world.
A few more years later, I was rearranging my room and found my notebooks from college.
I opened the notebook of Western Neutral History and saw the words "Francis," "Assisi," and "Beggars' Circle.
Francis is the Spanish reading of Francis.
I say "band of beggars" because they had abandoned their possessions and lived on mendicancy and labor...
I was surprised that I didn't remember studying this at all in my college class.
I knew it was something like that.
It was always near me, but until the time came, my attention was elsewhere.
I remember in my college days, I liked "Bo-chan" by Soseki Natsume.
For some reason, I liked the students' attire of the Meiji and Taisho eras, with their hakama, school caps, and geta (wooden clogs).
She said that she imagined tuberculosis or something like that and had a dark image of it.
That image is pulled from the spider web of data that my friend herself is connected to, and I do not have it at all.
Incidentally, tuberculosis was said to have been a "national disease" from the Meiji era to the 1950s, and in fact, even today, young people can get it.
What will we encounter in the future?
What will we encounter in the future?
Or there may be something new that will appear and develop.
What I can do now is to open my heart and receive whatever comes my way.
Miracles come unexpectedly and casually.
8.5.2023
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
Summer Vacation at Grandmother's House
Before I know it, the rainy season has ended and summer is in full swing.
Where have the summers gone when it was hot, but still had a certain emotional quality to it?
When I open the window in the morning and smell the early summer air, I remember the morning air of radio gymnastics during summer vacation.
I am surprised that the air of the season and the experience of summer vacation continue to be linked in my brain, even though decades have passed.
I hung a stamp card with a string around my neck, and when the exercises were over, I went under the wisteria trellis and had it stamped with a picture of my choice. It was a small, rough illustration of a sailboat or a flower, but I looked forward to having it stamped.
Every year in August, around the time of the Bon Festival, my mother took me to stay at my grandmother's house in Tochigi, that is, my mother's parents' house.
It was a regular summer vacation event when I was a child, and I looked forward to it more than anything else.
We would take the "Ryomou" express train from the Tobu station in Asakusa.
I was looking forward to this express train because I did not usually travel very often, and I enjoyed being able to set up a small table where I could put my lunch and tea, so I called it "the train with a table.
The view from the train window was another thing to look forward to.
I was absorbed in watching the green landscape of rice paddies and fields, a single house standing alone in a spacious place, small shrines and chinju-no-mori, and the scenery flying by.
Once, for a summer homework assignment, I drew the scenery seen from the train window on a piece of paper like a scroll.
After getting off at Ashikaga station, the birthplace of the Ashikaga clan, we often took a cab to my grandmother's house.
The landmark where we would get off was a public bathhouse. From there it was a short walk, and I ran, happy to see my grandmother and her house again.
My grandmother always came out to the front door and welcomed me with a smile.
The house was an old wooden two-story structure; my aunt (my mother's sister) lived with us when she was still single, and after she got married, the second floor became the lodger's room.
The water coming out of the kitchen faucet was well water, which was cool and very cold in summer. In winter it was warm.
The living room and sleeping area were in the same Japanese-style room, with a round brown chabutai (tea table).
I can hardly remember what kind of food we ate there, but I remember only my grandmother's sweet omelet, which I liked because the omelet at home was not sweet.
I loved my grandmother's house, but one thing I was not happy about was the bathroom.
The toilets in old houses were always located at the far end of the house.
The wooden door had two doors: the first one opened to the men's toilet, and another door had to be opened to get to the back of the toilet.
And since it is not a flush, it is very difficult not to look down.
When I was little, I think my grandmother or mother had to come to the front.
There is no bath, so we go to the public bathhouse just around the corner.
This is also a unique summer vacation experience.
At night, when I am reading a comic book in my futon, I sometimes hear the faint sounds of the bathhouse. Since my house faces the street, I can sometimes hear the sound of footsteps walking toward the bathhouse wearing karakoro- geta (Japanese clogs).
The bathhouse is actually an old one, built in 1953, and was used for the exterior of the bathhouse that is the setting for the 2016 movie "Hot Enough to Boil Your Bath" (starring Rie Miyazawa) (the interior is apparently a different bathhouse).
Partly because of this, and partly because it is the only remaining Showa-era public bathhouse in the city, it is now quite famous, but at the time it must have been a very ordinary town bathhouse.
It is no longer there, but there used to be a department store there, and I used to enjoy going there for shopping and being taken to the Restaurant.
I think we were served children's lunch or pudding a la mode.
The area around the main street was much livelier and there were many stores.
I was a child, so the whole town seemed big, but when I visited there after many decades, I was surprised to find that the streets were much narrower than I remembered and the whole town was smaller than I remembered.
My love of travel may have started with a summer vacation to my grandmother's house.
Waking up in an unusual house, I couldn't help but be excited by the unusualness and freedom.
After my stay was over, while I was waiting for the cab to take me to the train station, I felt a sense of disappointment that I was going to return to my daily routine, and a sense of loneliness that I would not see my grandmother and this house again until next year.
I had forgotten how I felt as I watched my grandmother waving her hands and the house shrinking in size from the cab, and writing this has reminded me of what I had forgotten.
After my grandmother went into the hospital and no one lived in the house, I stopped going to Tochigi in the summer. It was probably when I was in middle school.
During my school years, when I was working at a company, and many times since then, summer vacations have come and gone, even to places farther away than Tochigi.
But the place I would like to go back to is my grandmother's house on that summer vacation.
I would like to hear my grandmother's soft Tochigi dialect one more time, as she served me cold water saying, "Yes, sir.
The photo is of Ashikaga Gakko (Ashikaga School), which is considered the oldest school in Japan. It was recognized as a Japan Heritage site in 2015.
6.10.2023
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
The world is a mixture of lies and truth.
Some time ago, there was a TV special on fortune-telling scams on the Internet.
It is common to see free fortune-telling appraisals on the Internet, and of course, not all of them are nefarious.
However, after registering, one is sent various messages ("You have an aura that other people don't have," or something like that, apparently), and then invited to pay repeatedly, eventually being swindled out of a large sum of money.
If you only listen to the story, you may think, "Why do you believe such a false story?" I think.
However, when you are feeling anxious and clutching at straws when it comes to money, and you are told that "you will be lucky with your money in a few more days," you may be tempted to think that things will turn out all right.
The number of consultations about damage from such fortune-telling sites has increased eightfold in the last fiscal year due to anxiety about the future caused by epidemics and illnesses in the family.
It may be that many women are particularly fond of fortune telling, and when they are anxious about something, they may be tempted to seek an appraisal for emotional support and reassurance that they will be all right.
At the end of this special feature, the moderator declined to say, "Of course, there are those who do proper fortune telling.
Of course there are, but since fortune-telling is often seen as a scam to begin with, this may have reinforced the image that fortune-telling is a scam or a lie, and that people who are into fortune-telling are a bit crazy.
But I think that is a little unfortunate.
This is because fortune-telling can sometimes be a refreshing change of pace, a great encouragement, or, if something deeply makes sense to you, a guideline for your life.
Most of the scams seem to be money-related fortune-telling, but there are also those who "make you send them unknown characters or combinations of Chinese characters that seem to bring you good luck in money by e-mail or chat.
If there were a sequence of numbers or kanji that could bring up one's money fortune, everyone would have been rich by now.
I know that kanji, words, and numbers have special meanings and, in some cases, power, and I am sure that there is such a thing as "placing something in which direction will bring you luck in money" according to feng shui.
But if money and good luck sometimes come in this way, it is because the person's inner self changes in a bright and positive way.
I was fortunate enough to make my debut as a photographer for a women's magazine specializing in fortune-telling.
The magazine carried articles on Western astrology, tarot, and various other forms of fortune telling, written by well-known astrologers, psychics, and fortune tellers.
I have never studied Western astrology or tarot properly, but there are many people around me who specialize in these fields, and I have only dabbled in them myself.
So I can't explain them in detail, but I can say that many of them have a long history and are very deep.
In the case of astrology, it would be interesting to learn what we can learn from the arrangement of the stars and why, and in the case of tarot, it would be interesting to learn about its history and the symbols it contains.
I think it would be interesting to learn about the history of the Tarot and the symbols it contains, but I have not yet found the right time to begin serious study.
However, I do know that it is not as simple as "hit or miss".
I always think that the world is a mixture of the true and the false.
And even if something is true, it may be obscured by something fishy, or it may not be conveyed properly if the atmosphere of the person conveying it is not very good.
It is not limited to fortune-telling, but the same is true of the news that is making the rounds.
In this day and age when we are bombarded with more information than we need, we should not blindly follow what we hear, but rather shut it down and sharpen our sensibility to sort out the truth from the lies.
4.10.2023
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
Live as I am
I celebrated my birthday at the end of March, when the cherry blossom trees around my house had much more leaves.
I woke up in the morning and thought to myself, "I am entering a season of life in which I will live as my true self.
True means that there is no pretense.
I guess you could call it "just as I am.
I feel as if I have always unconsciously (or automatically) put limits on myself, saying, "This is the way I really am, but I have no choice now," or "This is what I really want to do, but it's impossible for me.
I think I have always been unconsciously (automatically) putting limits on myself.
I once participated in a transformation game, a kind of spiritual version of the game of life.
What I realized then was that I did not want to reach the goal and "climb" up.
For some reason, I found myself wanting to look this way and that way before the goal.
Does it seem boring because once you reach the finish line, it's over?
Or is it because I don't like games where I have to compete with someone else to win or lose, and I want to be late and out of the race?
I wrote all this and then I realized something.
I remember that just about a year ago, I wrote a post in NOTE titled "The Purpose of Life Was Not to Reach Somewhere.
It seems that quite a few people saw this post.
I wrote that the purpose of life is not to reach somewhere or to "become" something, but to live each moment with joy, and to "create oneself to be the joy itself.
It is not about creating something, but about continuing to create our own way of being.
I wrote "continue" because the moment continues forever.
Reaching a goal is something that feels like it is far in the future, but the moment is right here and now.
So it is always about how you are right now, right now, right now, in this moment.
Reaching somewhere is a bonus or a reward in the creation of the moment.
Another important thing is that it seems that moments are not even physically connected to each other.
If it didn't work yesterday, it doesn't have to work today.
No, it seems that even now and a few minutes ago are not connected, and that it is you who is making the connection.
They say that there are several timelines, and you can switch to a different timeline.
(I used to use this at the dentist. I get on the timeline that is painless and easy to complete! I decide, I did that, and it was over really fast.)
In the long (but fleeting) march of life, it's easy to get discouraged.
Just when you think you're on a roll, you get depressed that you might not make it.
The more depressed I get, the more I limit myself repeatedly, because the reality becomes commensurate with the depression.
I think this is how I have been repeatedly up and down.
Maybe I have been repeating the ups and downs because I like them, because I don't want to finish at the finish line in the game of life.
Wouldn't it be fun if things went smoothly?
Maybe I actually want to be jittery in the middle of the game, even though my manifest consciousness wants it to go better and better.
I hear that many people are afraid to be happy, and maybe I actually have that kind of fear.
In any case, if you want to experience jitteriness and unhappiness, go for it.
But I've had enough of it.
So on the morning of my birthday, I decided.
I'm going to experience the greatest version of myself that I can.
We have the freedom to choose the worst and the best.
So those who want to end up with the lowest can do so.
But I was kind of curious to see what it would be like if I increased my output.
Many things are said to be happening in the next few years.
One of them is that the monetary economy is said to be collapsing.
I have been so tamed by this economy that I have recently been struggling to change my view of money.
It is said that money will cease to exist in the future (although it is already long gone. ) and that a more wonderful world awaits us in the future.
Many things will happen before then.
But all I have to do now is to live in the moment, and I am sure that I will be able to handle it.
It seems that each person has plenty of support from invisible entities in addition to the visible ones.
This is very reassuring, but many people are unaware of it.
And I believe that each person can do more if they themselves are connected to their "real" selves.
That is why I would like to continue to communicate about the invisible and the spiritual world from time to time.
Perhaps this is the "real" part of me.
2.8.2023
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
Is it the question or the answer that matters?
If you have an answer, that's the end. When you have a question, that's the beginning.
I had been casually listening to them, but then I remembered that answering a question can lead to a deeper exploration of one's inner self than I had expected.
There is a book of photographs by Takashi Kanda titled "Always have 'flowers' in your heart" (Inochino Kotoba-sha).
In the book, there are pictures of beautiful flower arrangements and flowers blooming outside, accompanied by words from the Psalms of the Bible in both English and Japanese.
At the end of the book, there are a few pages where you can write about "who I am now.
There are a number of questions and space for you to write your answers to them.
For example, "Where I want to visit someday," "My favorite color," "The town I want to live in someday," and other questions that you may have thought of yourself, as well as "What I have left to do," "When I feel happy," "What I cannot reach," "My favorite time of the day," "What I want to tell my father," "If I could have one wish fulfilled," "What supports me," etc.
I was asked these questions, and I had to take some time to think about them.
When I look at them, I think, "Okay, I'll write down some answers.
Sometimes, by thinking about it and answering it, I realize that I am feeling this way.
I just remembered that I may have once wanted to make a little press with a list of questions like this.
What do you really want to do?" is probably the question I have asked myself most in the past few years.
It seems that there are so many people who say, "I don't know what I want to do," but perhaps I could substitute the question, "What feelings do I want to feel?
What emotions do you want to feel while living your life?
Fulfilled, excited, calm, warm, joyful, smiley, happy, secure, relaxed...
For example, he said, if you don't know what kind of work you want to do, try to imagine what kind of feelings you want to work with.
I like the poem "The First Question" by the poet Hiroshi Osada, who died in 2015.
I first read it when I picked up the picture book "The First Question" by painter and picture book author Hideko Ise.
Was the sky far away or near?
The book begins with the question, "Did you look up at the sky today?
One day, I found a book of poems in the library and wrote down the full text of the poem again.
It's beautiful.
What can you say without hesitation?
Can you name seven of your favorite flowers?
Who is "we" to you?
What is the first landscape that comes to your mind when you think of the world?
As I read on, I wondered what it would have been like.
Can you name your seven favorite flowers? I thought to myself, "Seven is not enough.
I thought I was okay if I thought, "Seven is not enough.
The question, the answer, and the answer.
Which is more important for you right now?
If I had to choose, I would say the question.
Only when you are asked the question do you become aware of it, and the answer comes to you from within.
The year 2023 has just begun, so you might as well ask yourself the question.
If you had the time, the money, and the support from everyone.
What would you do?
Asking yourself this question and fantasizing about it is where reality creation begins.
12.15.2022
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
The year I allowed myself to enjoy
In last December's Stay Salty, I wrote a piece titled "A Dolce Christmas," in which I wrote about my memories of Christmas.
It has been a year since then.
I think it's too soon to be true.
I heard on TV that the reason why the days go by faster when you grow up than when you were a child is because you have less excitement.
I think there is a certain amount of excitement. I think so, but it is true that we are still saying, "Today is a hamburger steak! Yay! I think there may be less excitement in our daily lives.
Looking back on 2022, I allowed myself to do what I wanted to do, what I was interested in, and what I liked.
I can't do things that cost too much money, but I can't ask myself, "What's in it for me? Is it going to be a job? You have other things to do than that!" I stopped letting those ego voices stop me.
That's exactly what I did, like a child, "I want to do it! I'm excited! Like a child, I cherished the feeling of "I'm excited!
First, in the spring, I took an on-demand course taught by watercolor illustrator Marie Abe.
I had a book on watercolor and a book on "short-time sketching," which allows me to sketch outside in a short time, but I couldn't take the class in person because she lives in the Kansai region.
So this was an opportunity I could not have wished for.
And as a café lover, I was delighted to learn that the content of the book was short sketches of café scenes.
I enjoyed watching the video of the instructor's work and drawing the pictures together.
After taking this class, I was able to draw illustrations and sketches as I had expected (though only "better than before").
I used to run a manga club when I was a student, so I can draw a few pictures.
But it is difficult to paint a landscape and I can't do them! But after taking the course, I was able to draw with a certain atmosphere while looking at photos I took abroad in the past.
One of the reasons I am now able to draw even if only somewhat, is that I no longer aim for perfection.
The way to draw short sketches was "don't worry if it is distorted or crooked," so I opened my mind to the idea that it was okay if it was distorted or crooked, since I had not properly learned how to draw.
If you think about it, distortion has its own flavor.
When I was doing photography, I thought that the lack of fundamentals should not be replaced with "taste" or "sensitivity.
As with anything, it is always better to start with the basics.
But now that I am of an age where my future is much shorter than the years I have lived so far, it is also possible for me to start with what I enjoy rather than building up from the basics.
I loosely think that I can do the basics when I feel like it.
It was a progress for me to be able to change my mind like that.
On the other hand, I started calligraphy four years ago.
It is a so-called Western calligraphy, which requires steady practice, so it is not at all beautiful even if you write in a nonsense way.
However, I did not spend much time practicing calligraphy this year.
I have been practicing some typefaces that I haven't learned from a teacher by myself with the help of books, but it hasn't been going as well as I'd like.
Rather, I would occasionally pull out the typeface textbooks I had learned and review them, thinking that I had forgotten some of them.
Still, I like calligraphy and have no intention of quitting.
When the time comes, I would like to learn from a teacher with whom I have a connection.
I have always been interested in letters, language, and the history of books.
They say that a book is a "source.
Something that is true, essential, basic, or fundamental.
In other words, he says, a book is something that contains what is right and true.
The ultimate book is the Bible.
I may be offended if I write this, but whether the Bible is a book that contains what is true and correct is another story.
But in the Middle Ages, beautifully decorated manuscripts were produced to propagate Christianity.
There is a mountain of art that was developed and created thanks to the spread of Christianity.
Medieval manuscripts were decorated with handwritten text and beautiful pictures, and later the illustrations were printed in woodblock and then in letterpress as printing became more widespread.
The calligraphy I am currently practicing on my own is a typeface called the Copperplate style.
It means "copperplate," and in calligraphy, it is modeled after the typeface used in copperplate printing.
I learned about this after I started calligraphy.
And what I have been wanting to do for several years now is copperplate printing.
It is interesting because all of my interests are connected.
At the beginning of the year 2022, I decided on "An" as the kanji for this year for me.
Not "cheap," but "safe.
I decided to base everything I do on the feeling of security, but I had forgotten about it until I look back on it now.
Although I had forgotten the kanji, I think I have been trying for the past year to put my axis on the word "an" (an).
Otherwise, I would not have had the inspiration to do what I wanted to do.
I wonder what my kanji for 2023 will be.
This year I frequently received messages telling me to "just play" or "have fun.
I have always had a hard time just playing or just having fun, and I have always held up the meaning and significance of whatever I do, so I think "play" might be a good kanji for next year.
Even in our work, we may get ideas by enjoying ourselves as if we were playing, and we came to this earth to play in the first place.
We want to play as much as we can so that when we leave the amusement park, we will not regret saying, "I wish I had taken the plunge and ridden that one, too.
11.7.2022
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
Defining Happiness
For some time this year, I have had the opportunity to read many people's waka poems.
I have never been interested in haiku or tanka poetry, but I like only Saigyo, a poet who lived from the late Heian to the early Kamakura period, and I just visited the "Saigyo Exhibition" the other day.
Aside from that, it was my first experience to read many poems.
When I read them, I could understand the person's life, daily thoughts and feelings in a short phrase as if I could grasp them.
I was reminded once again that even though there are so many people in the world, we all share the same feelings and emotions about the same things.
I don't have the same experience of looking up at the sky at dusk when someone go back to clean up their parents' house in the countryside, but I can imagine it with deep emotion.
Sometimes I even cried because I resonated so much with various people's situations.
Many of the older people wrote about their children and grandchildren. Some sang about the birth of a grandchild, New Year's surrounded by children and grandchildren, and other picture-perfect scenes of happiness.
On the other hand, there are many who have lost a spouse or child, or a friend has passed away.
There are also songs about the sadness and grief of living alone.
By comparison, we end up feeling happy with a life surrounded by many family members.
This is certainly one form of happiness from the outside.
But what do people mean when they talk about "happiness"?
The other day, as I was walking down my usual street to go shopping and passing many people, it occurred to me.
If there are hundreds of millions of people in the world, and they all aim for the same pattern of life, there would be no need for so many people.
There is a view that the purpose of human birth is to have a body, to experience various things, and to experience various emotions.
I thought to myself, "If there are a thousand different kinds of people, each with a different purpose, then there is no point in comparing them to others to see who is happier.
Looking back, when I was young, especially in my 20s, the world was surprisingly small, and the definition of "happiness" seemed to be predetermined, as was the era itself.
The image of "general happiness" was to go to a good school, get into a good university, get into a good company (in other words, a first-class one), get married, have children, and so on.
This was the era when the phrase "three highs" became popular. In other words, a man with high education, high income, and high height was considered an ideal partner.
I laugh when I think back on it, but I don't think it was a complete joke.
The tendency toward male chauvinism was much stronger than it is today, and perhaps because the company I worked for was an old-fashioned one, the way of thinking was old-fashioned, even though it was a department with many young people.
Many female employees got married and retired after about three years, and very few stayed on for long.
Although I was not aiming for the "common route to happiness," I think that before I knew it, a spell had been created within me that made that image the "main road" for me.
Since the time when macs, let alone windows, did not yet exist, I voluntarily deviated from the "main road" and worked as a dispatched operator of large computers at various companies.
There were a number of companies that were well known to all Japanese, and there were many people who had graduated from top universities.
However, not all of them were leading "picture-perfectly happy lives.
It is a matter of course now.
Just when I thought that the term "O-Juken" had become a thing of the past, I was hired as a part-time employee at a school that I could not enter even if I stood on my own two feet.
At that time, I learned that "getting into a good university" was still considered a good thing.
Now that I am no longer in that position, I hear that campus life has been suspended at the university for a little over two years due to an epidemic.
My life has been disrupted and many things have changed, so my sense of values may have changed all at once.
Still, I wonder if it is my imagination that I still see many people on social networking sites who use the "vague happiness route" as a standard and put a buck on themselves for deviating from it.
I have recently come to realize that one of the benefits of getting older is that it becomes easier and easier to get out of the rigid frame of mind.
I have come to believe that there are different definitions of happiness.
When I heard the phrase, "Happiness is satisfaction," the scales fell from my eyes, but that does not mean that I should be satisfied with the way things are.
It does not mean that we should be satisfied with where we are. I think it means that it is important to affirm ourselves.
But now I have a slightly different image of happiness.
Happiness for me is
Being at peace and at ease.
Being able to believe that something is happening for the sake of something, even when it's hard.
Being excited about what I want to know and do.
That making the most of myself and enjoying myself will contribute to others and to society.
To be able to look back at my former self and realize that I was actually in love and abundance.
To have the sensitivity to feel when beautiful light comes into a room.
The list goes on and on.
I feel that the image of happiness has expanded itself.
10.7.2022
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
Sweet memories and a changing city
I was born and raised somewhere between Yokohama and Shibuya. When I was a child, my mother would sometimes take me to Jiyugaoka for shopping.
Nowadays, there are many fashionable stores in Jiyugaoka, but back then, it must not have been as fashionable as it is now.
But it was still a "town" with special stores and restaurants.
Whenever she took me to Jiyugaoka, my mother would shop at a supermarket called Peacock. Unlike the local markets and supermarkets, it must have been a little more upscale and fashionable.
Then there were times when we would go into the Fujiya restaurant in front of the station. I vaguely remember that there was a Peco doll at the entrance, and if I am not mistaken, the restaurant was on the second floor, up a narrow staircase, with a side view of the doll.
I had a "Pecochan sundae" with colored spray (fine chocolate) sprinkled on top of ice cream, and I was so happy to see those colorful little chocolate mounds, which were beautiful and cute.
I am sure there were many other things I ate, but only the impression of the colored sprays remains with a sense of excitement.
In fact, I wrote about the above Peacock at first, saying that it is still in the same place.
The day after I wrote that, it was a beautiful Sunday after a long absence, and there was an exhibition in Jiyugaoka that I wanted to see, so I went to see it.
Although I had passed by Jiyugaoka by train, I had hardly walked around the town in the past two and a half years.
Since it had been a while since I had been there, I started wandering around, thinking of stores I wanted to see in that area or this area.
When I came to the street where Peacock is located, I saw that a fairly large lot had been enclosed for construction.
What the hell was this place? I wandered around and found that the Peacock was located there, and the building next to it had been completely demolished and nothing was left.
I had always wondered how it had continued to be in the same place when I grew up.
But at last, another place that I remember from my childhood has disappeared from the earth, and it is now only in my mind.
I was somewhat stunned as I looked at the place where the sky seemed to be wide open only there.
The Fujiya restaurant in front of the station had long since disappeared.
I walked around after that, and found many stores gone, and even a coffee shop in a place like this! There were more than one or two places where I wondered, "Where did this coffee shop used to be?
There was a nice café that my friend and I used to go to, but most of the stores were empty, probably due to renovation.
Is this the result of an epidemic, or is the speed of change in the city accelerating?
The arcade of stores to the right as you exit the station has already been closed due to redevelopment.
This is the street where the famous "Mont Blanc" is located.
Mont Blanc" is said to have started making western-style confections in Jiyugaoka in 1933, which was still a rarity in Japan.
According to the official website, the first president, who loved mountain climbing, saw Mont Blanc, the highest peak in Europe, in Chamonix and named the store Mont Blanc. He has also received proper permission from the mayor of Chamonix.
He also said that the Mont Blanc dessert, which was served in French hotels and restaurants and consisted of marron cream on top of meringue, was reworked so that it could be taken home, and this was the beginning of the Mont Blanc cake in Japan.
The store's symbolic painting of a woman by Seiji Togo is fantastic, and as a child I thought it had a mysterious atmosphere.
There is a coffee shop space in the semi-basement, which still has a Showa-era atmosphere.
I heard that this coffee shop part will be gone when the shop is relocated, and it will be closed at the end of this year.
I have another sweet memory of Jiyugaoka.
It is the omelet cake at Jiyugaoka Top.
It is a fluffy round sponge, filled with cream, bananas and fruits, and folded into a half-moon shape.
My mother used to buy it as a gift for someone and of course for an occasional treat at home.
There were several different types of filling, and they were just so incredibly delicious.
The top one was apparently a French restaurant, but I was a kid so I had no idea about that.
Even after I became a student, I was sometimes asked to buy them, but I think they were sold together with some kind of deli.
The store by the train station has been gone for sometime; apparently it went out of business in the 1980s.
I still see similar ones today, but I don't think I will ever be able to have that delicious taste I felt as a child again.
The reason why I am reminiscing about old snacks now is because I have been illustrating sweets at will since last year or so, and I often recall the things I used to eat.
And because I have been baking sweets at home for the first time in a while.
I have heard several times that when my mother was a child during and after the war, sugar was rationed and was a precious commodity.
Nowadays, the streets are overflowing with sweets.
Sugar," which was precious and appreciated, is now treated as a bad thing because it is not good for the body.
Sweet foods are called "sweets," and many of them are pretty or very stylishly designed to look good in photos.
That is all well and good, but what sweets will remain in our memories in the future amidst such an abundance of sweets?
Maybe it would be good if they leave behind a sense of excitement like the color sprays in my memory.
Come to think of it, there was still something in Jiyugaoka that I must not forget.
Kameya Mannendo's Navona. It was born in 1963.
I will probably never forget Oh's line, "Navona is the home run king of sweets.
However, it was a Tokyo souvenir (although I doubt if there are still people who buy it as a souvenir), so only people in the Tokyo metropolitan area probably know about it.
Nowadays, it is called "boussé," and I sometimes want to eat it when I see something similar.
I don't know if you know about the "fresh nabona," which is made in the store, so next time you are in Jiyugaoka, you might want to visit the main store of Kameya. It seems that they still have some left there.
9.5.2022
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
Let it happen, that is.
I wonder if this is a previous life? When I was in my 20s, I went to Hawaii for the first time with a friend.
At that time, my friend wanted to try shooting, which can only be experienced in the United States.
As a student of Kyudo (Japanese archery), I also wanted to try it, so I decided to give it a try.
I remembered that one of my seniors who had become a police officer had earned his Class A shooting license and had told me, "People who used to do archery can do it.
So I went to a shooting club where tourists could experience shooting, and when I looked at the target I brought back as a souvenir, I saw that the address was the Royal Hawaiian Shopping Center.
I was surprised to see that I could shoot while shopping.
First, I was given an explanation and asked to sign something like a consent form.
I don't remember the details, but I think it said that unless the store was at fault, I was responsible for any accidents that occurred.
What I vaguely remember is the "possibility of rupturing your eardrums".
When you shoot, you wear some kind of headphones, and I flinched a bit when I read that.
There are three different types of experience: rifle, automatic, and revolver.
I think I fired probably 10 rounds each in that order.
It was my first time, but I like to aim at targets, and I felt like I knew what it felt like.
The rifle is long and supported by the buttocks around the base of the shoulder.
When I fired the rifle, I was surprised by the strong impact of the shoulder being pushed backward. I was surprised by the strong impact of the shoulder being pushed backward, but it only missed by a few rounds and most of them penetrated the circle in the middle.
I was able to gather the next automatic rather centrally, but the last revolver was almost always off at 11 o'clock.
It was a clear result of my lack of strength, which caused me to get more and more tired and out of position as I was shooting, and it was a clear sign that it was coming off.
In both pistols and archery (Western-style bow), it is important to aim at the target.
It seems to be a matter of course, but the Japanese bow is a little different.
The German philosopher Eugen Herrigel, author of "The Bow and Zen," a lifelong favorite of Apple's Steve Jobs, thought that his years of training as a marksman would help him in the Japanese martial arts of Kyudo.
But that was totally mistaken.
If you are competing for points by hitting a target in a match, it is natural to have the will to aim for the center of the target.
But if it goes too far and becomes an obsession to hit the target, you will collapse and destroy yourself.
I think that the mental aspect of the bow is more likely to have an effect on archery than other sports.
The state in which the bow is drawn and the arrow is extended toward the target is called "kai.
The top of the head is suspended in the sky, the legs are pulled toward the center of the earth, the left hand is extended toward the target, and the elbow of the right hand is extended in the opposite direction.
In his right hand, he wears a yugake, a leather glove, and the string with the arrow attached is hooked over the groove of his thumb and twisted slightly.
The body is stretched out to the left and right with the tanden located below the navel, and when the body is full of energy, the arrow is released from the bow, and at the same time, the right hand is naturally released from the string.
I haven't held a bow for decades now, so it is difficult to explain in words, and I may be somewhat wrong. But that is what my body remembers.
This moment of releasing the arrow is difficult to explain. It is obviously different from pulling the trigger as in shooting, and I have little awareness of how my right hand, hooked on the string, leaves the string.
In "Bow and Zen," Herrigel was troubled by his inability to release an arrow that he had nocked. His teacher, Kenzo Awa, said to him, "The correct way is to follow the big one," he said.
The right path is", he said in a loud voice. The right path is one that has no purpose, no intention. The more you persist in your willingness to learn to let go of the arrow in order to hit the target, the more it will not work, and the further away the other will go. Your being too consciously willful is getting in your way. You assume that if you don't will it, nothing will arise."
I feel like I've been doing that at various times in my life, and I still haven't gotten out from under the spell of that idea.
I still haven't gotten out from under the spell of this thinking. I try to force things to happen by placing more importance on how I act than on how I am.
If we relax, we can float on the water and go with the flow, but if we are in a hurry and get impatient, we will sink.
We make things difficult by doubting ourselves and putting mud on ourselves or on the road ahead of us, when we should just go with trust.
I recently learned the phrase "Let it happen.
There are several ways to use it, but it means to let it happen, to allow it to happen.
It means that if you are in a state of being that serves your purpose, it will happen.
I still remember how I felt when I faced the target at a shooting center in Hawaii.
After being taught how to hold the gun and set the target, I imagined that I would send the bullet straight out toward the target without applying any unnecessary force.
The bullet's movement should be unobstructed by my consciousness and body.
Then the bullet would go straight to where it was aimed.
In kyudo (Japanese archery), this might be called "being one with the target.
If I had understood this feeling more when I was a student, I would have become a good archer.
7.11.2022
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
still small voice
Congratulations on Stay Salty entering its third year.
My first writing was ON THE WAY in April 2021, about my travels.
It was the first time I wrote outside of my own place, such as a website, blog, or a zine (little press) I created myself, and then I received a page from DAYS and started writing in June, so it has been exactly one year.
After writing every month as I thought of it, I wondered if this was the right way to go....
I wondered if this was the right thing to do.
So I went back and read the concept of Stay Salty again.
In the midst of the Corona epidemic, the words that speak of people's thoughts and the paths they have taken in their lives...
Stay Salty" was started to help those who were struggling and stagnating in the midst of the Corona epidemic with words that speak of people's thoughts and the path they have lived.
Unfortunately, I have not lived a life that I can speak too loudly about.
I myself have worried and hesitated, I have stagnated many times, and I think I have gained strength from the words and ideas of many different people.
In the past two years, in particular, I have been asked how I want to see the world and what kind of world I want to live in.
While it was reported that infectious diseases were spreading and many people were dying, there were also those who questioned the numbers and those who were divided on the pros and cons of vaccines, and there was even a situation in which people criticized each other.
Some people, if they believed the TV news, would have thought that the whole world was being hit by a terrible infectious disease, like in the days of the medieval plague, and that everyone was equally afraid of it.
On the other hand, there are a certain number of people who believe that something is false, and the same is true about the wars being waged today.
When something is communicated, it is always from some side's point of view.
Since there is rarely a God-like, cosmic point of view, I have become more conscious over the past two years of what I am being shown, and from which side.
I tried my best not to be too biased toward one side or the other, but rather to keep a bird's-eye view, wobbling and swaying like a yajirobe (a Japanese doll).
I was also trying to look at the situation from my own perspective, thinking that perhaps this was what was going on.
And amidst all this information, I finally came to realize the importance of having a firm central axis.
I had no choice but to trust my own center, which I had not been able to trust for a long time.
Instead of letting something outside have authority over me, the only place I can finally rely on is within myself.
It's like a gut feeling.
I had always used something like intuition, but now I was more conscious of how I felt.
At one point, I realized that guidance like intuition is quite normal and appears silently in my mind.
The other day, when I went to the store in front of the station to buy ink for my printer, they didn't have the black cartridge I wanted, and if they didn't have it, I had to take the train to another large store, and I was a little disappointed.
As I looked at the "out of stock" sign, the thought occurred to me that if I asked at the counter, they might have it.
I am the type of person who uses my feet rather than my mouth, so normally I would have moved on to another store because of the hassle of asking, but at that moment I felt that I should not ignore the feeling that "if I ask, they might have it.
I did so, and they had one in stock, and I was able to buy it easily.
It may not seem important, but at that moment, I knew that guidance would come to me like a whisper.
It was more like a revelation, more than a knee-slapping "Oh yeah! it might be a voice that is always whispering, "This way," or "This way is better," in various situations in our daily lives.
In the Old Testament book of Kings, there is a scene in which the prophet Elijah is conversing with God, and the phrase "still small voice" is said to appear.
He says, "Then the Lord passed by, and a violent wind struck the mountains, and the rocks were shattered. But the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind came an earthquake, but the Lord was not there either. After the earthquake, a fire burned, but the Lord was not there in the fire either. After the fire I heard a whispering, thin voice."
Instead of believing in a particular religion, I believe that there is a kind of "true self" that knows everything.
Some people call it God, the soul, or the Higher Self, but it doesn't matter what you call it.
I feel that it is telling me, "This way is better," or "This is the way to do it.
Sometimes you may feel it in your body as a blurred feeling of discomfort.
It is a very small voice, so you have to silence the noisy thoughts in your head and listen carefully to hear it.
They say that thinking and listening cannot be done at the same time because they are in different modes.
I don't know how the world will turn out in the future.
I don't know what will happen to the world in the future, but I do know that it is no longer the time to think less of myself.
Whenever you feel unsure of yourself or unsure of something, you might want to take some time to listen carefully.
Just as you can't listen to an FM program while tuned to an AM frequency, you can't hear it unless you tune the frequency to the station you want.
Even though I like to sit idle in a café, I am in such a hurry with so many things that I end up having unwanted thoughts.
From now on, I'm going to make more time to be absent-minded than ever.
Either way, it's just right in the summer when it's so hot that most of my thoughts stop.
5.5.2022
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
breakfast lover
I love the morning hours, even though getting up early is never my forte.
I especially like mornings after rain or when the air is clear and the light is beautifully slanted, and I often wonder why I have to go to work on such days.
The day after I buy good bread, I look forward to breakfast.
There is a good bakery about a 20-minute walk from my house that sells bread made of domestic wheat, with no trans fatty acids such as margarine, and no cream or other unnecessary ingredients.
When I eat such well-made bread, I don't think flour is bad for my health.
Since when, I have also come to like eating breakfast outside.
Before, there were no coffee shops in my hometown that served morning breakfast, so I had never thought of eating breakfast outside except on trips.
But when coffee shops and bakeries that served morning breakfast started to open, and I went out of my way to go near a train station on a holiday to eat breakfast, I felt fresh and excited to be away from my daily routine even though I was in my hometown.
This may have been just around the time when the chain restaurants in Nagoya started to appear in Yokohama as well.
I have always enjoyed breakfast when I travel, so I usually choose hotels that include breakfast.
However, even if it is a buffet breakfast at a regular city hotel, the contents are usually fixed, but I guess I enjoy going to the restaurant or cafe where the breakfast is served in the morning.
Sometimes I miss Italian mornings, and unless I am staying in a four-star hotel, breakfast is sweet bread and coffee.
For me it was usually cappuccino.
The bread was cornetto in the shape of a croissant, either dusted with powdered sugar, cream, or jam. In some regions, it is also called brioche.
In some hotels, you may find two small square rusks in a bag, or other breads, but I had never seen what is called a loaf of bread.
According to a guidebook, some trendy stores nowadays offer to fill the cornetto with pistachio cream and other ingredients on the spot after you order it.
I really feel that times have changed.
What I miss, however, is breakfast at a table under a big tree in a cozy breakfast room of a small two-star hotel, or at an inn where I used to stay often.
As I sip the cappuccino brought by the innkeeper and nibble on the cornetto, I think about going there and there today.
It is a well-known story nowadays that Italians eat a sweet breakfast. In fact, the first time I stayed at an Italian's house, there was a bag of biscuits with chocolate sandwiches in a bowl on the breakfast table.
Fortunately for me, I don't suffer from sweet things in the morning.
One of the best breakfasts I had on my trip abroad was at a hotel in front of Vienna's West Station.
Hotel rates were low, probably because it was early December, and since it was my first time in Austria, I decided to go with a 4-star hotel for peace of mind.
I was looking forward to it because I had read many reviews that the breakfast was good, and it really was.
There were many kinds of breads.
There were breads like ordinary bread, Kaisersemmel, which is a round bread with a slit in the top and sunflower seeds or poppy seeds around it, rye bread, and pound cake like morning cake.
I don't have a cell phone with a camera, and I didn't have the energy or courage to bring my SLR camera to the breakfast, so I don't have any pictures, but I think there were so many different kinds of food that I couldn't eat them all even if I wanted to.
Of course, there were also various egg dishes, ham, sausages, etc.
But anyway, I was surprised at how good the bread was, because I had no idea that Austrian bread was good at all.
I also like Japanese breakfast, and often choose Japanese food at breakfast buffets in Japan.
When I stayed on Shijo Street in Kyoto, I decided to go without breakfast and went to an obanzai restaurant in Sanjo for breakfast.
I remember it was quite pleasant in the early morning on Shijo Street with few cars and people.
There is one breakfast that I regret.
Tokyo Station Hotel.
In the center of the Marunouchi station building, in the attic of the main roof, there is a guest lounge where a breakfast buffet is prepared exclusively for hotel guests in the morning.
The space, with its skylight and partially exposed red-brick walls, is lined with sophisticated dishes and breads.
I was probably not that hungry at the time, but I ended up ordering an omelette that the chef made in front of me, which filled me up to some extent and prevented me from eating many things.
I still think it was a shame, but I don't think I'll be staying there again.
The price was almost the same as the price of a Shinkansen package with a hotel in Kyoto during the cheap season.
I happened to get a room upgrade at that time, and it was a very nice hotel, but it was a bit bothersome to be in Tokyo Station and not be able to travel.
Then again, I still want to travel, so I'm still somewhat longing for that morning lounge breakfast, even though I've had it before.
4.5.2022
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
Cherry blossoms bloom
In March, the growth of spring flowers took off with a sudden burst of warm weather.
I was surprised to notice that the white flowers of kobushi and haku-mokuren were in full bloom on the tallest trees.
I didn't even notice the buds, which seemed to open in a matter of days.
Looking around, daffodils and roadside violets were also in bloom, and the light purple honeysuckle, which is often seen at the foot of the cherry trees, was also showing its face.
Spring flowers bloomed early this year.
The apartment complex where I live is built slightly up from the street, overlooking the bus route.
The street is lined with cherry blossom trees, and in spring, someiyoshino cherry trees bloom as if they are spreading clouds.
Every year when the cherry blossoms begin to bloom, the number of residents strolling along the street increases, and everyone seems somewhat happy.
The trees line the street for several kilometers, and when they are in full bloom, they become an archway of flowers in some places.
When I took a bus to pass under the arches just as the blossoms were beginning to fall, I was mesmerized by the petals floating up and down behind me.
There were two pedestrian bridges nearby, so I could see the top of the cherry tree right in front of me.
The flowers covered the railing of the pedestrian bridge and looked dreamily beautiful.
Every year I walked around the neighborhood with my camera taking pictures of the cherry blossoms, and one of my favorite things to do was to take pictures of the cherry blossoms on the pedestrian bridge.
Someiyoshino cherry trees at the beginning of blooming are fresh and sprightly.
Through the viewfinder, the flowers swayed in the wind as if the girls were giggling, and they were so cute that I said, "Hello! Welcome, welcome, welcome," .
A couple of years ago, the cherry trees in this row of trees had grown too big and their branches had been cut down, and the flowers were all shabby. It may not arch so easily anymore.
Some of the branches on the pedestrian bridge have also been cut off or cut down from the bottom, so they no longer bloom over the railing.
At the end of the month as I write this, a few days ago, the cherry trees in front of my house were not even a minute in bloom, but today they are seven or eight minutes open, making it a spring scene.
I heard that the cherry blossoms are already in full bloom in Tokyo, so by the time this Stay Salty is published, they may have completely fallen and the double-flowered cherry trees may have begun to bloom.
Unlike the wild cherry trees that have existed in Japan for centuries, the Someiyoshino cherry tree is known as a clonal cherry tree, which means that it was created from cuttings or grafts by humans.
They are said to have a life span of about 60 years, and if they were planted at the same time, they will probably weaken about the same.
The number of cherry trees around my house with scraggly trunks seems to increase, and every year some of them seem to be cut down.
But after a little research, I found that it is not impossible to extend the life of the trees.
Leaving the technicalities to the professionals, the only thing the average person can do is to be careful not to step on the cherry tree roots.
More than 10 years ago, I took an overnight bus for the first time to Kyoto and Nara during the cherry blossom season.
The main purpose was to photograph the cherry blossoms at Yoshinoyama in Nara, but before that, I decided to visit the cherry blossoms in Kyoto, which I had always avoided because of the crowds.
I arrived in front of Kyoto Station at 6:00 in the morning.
I rode the subway with the commuters and went to see the crimson weeping cherry blossoms along the river Kamo at Nakaragi-no-Michi.
It was early in the morning, and since it was not a shrine or temple, the only people present were joggers and dog walkers.
In the leisurely morning light, I was able to see cherry blossoms in Kyoto for the first time.
I was then welcomed by many cherry trees, including those in the Shinto garden of Heian Shrine, Hirano Shrine with many rare cherry trees, Ryoanji Temple with its famous stone garden and cherry blossom garden, Ninnaji Temple with its late-blooming Omuro cherry trees, Shojiji Temple, which is related to Saigyo Hoshi, and Houkongoin Temple.
Of course there must have been someiyoshino cherry trees, and the contrast between their reflection on the river and the vermilion bridge was wonderful.
Looking back, however, it was probably the weeping cherry trees that left the greatest impression on me in Kyoto.
Nakaragi-no-Michi, Heian Shrine, and Ryoan-ji Temple all had graceful red weeping cherry blossoms that swayed in the wind, a true Kyoto experience.
I have not been to Kyoto during the cherry blossom season since then, although I would like to go back.
There are apparently as many as 400 varieties of cherry blossoms.
They are all slightly different in shape and color, but they all have something that tugs at my heartstrings, whether it is a feeling of happiness or sadness.
This may be due to the presence of the cherry blossom, but I think it may also be because spring is a time of beginnings and endings for the Japanese, and cherry blossoms are found in some corner of each person's milestone.
Lastly, I would like to leave you with a poem by Saigyo Houshi, a poet who was addicted to cherry blossoms for a while.
The heart that laments the falling cherry blossoms should stay and become a seed of spring to come again.
3.6.2022
DAYS/ Kaori KawamuraColumn
La Vita é Bella.
Letter
I have loved to write letters since I was a student.
Besides friends who had moved far away, I always had some pen pals to send them to.
In the old days, magazines had a section for pen pals, and the name and address of the individual were listed, which is unthinkable nowadays.
There were no problems with this, and Japan was truly a peaceful country.
When I wrote letters, I used my favorite letter sets and put cute stickers on them.
When I was a student, Sanrio was in its heyday, and letterheads and envelopes were more affordable than now, probably due to the fact that they were aimed at children.
These days, when I write a proper letter or card, I feel as if my hand is dizzy, as if my brain and fingers are not connected properly.
That is why I have fewer opportunities to write and receive letters.
I wonder if the joyful feeling of receiving a letter in the mailbox is on the verge of extinction.
On the other hand, it seems that correspondence has been popular for several years, and there was a news report on TV featuring it.
At a major stationery store in Ginza, a surprisingly large number of people are choosing letterheads and cards for their correspondence.
I used to like to match the patterns of letterheads and postcards to the season and stamps to the taste and atmosphere of the recipient, but I would like to see such small details remain.
I also liked to write postcards from my travels, and I never forgot to write down my friends' addresses when I went on trips.
It was completely self-satisfying, and the recipients may not have thought anything of it, but when the Internet was not yet available, one of the pleasures of traveling was to write postcards at night in my hotel room.
Lately, I feel that letters take on a different character over time.
When I traveled to Europe on my first overseas trip, my parents gave me a postcard that I had sent to my family after I returned to Japan.
Recently, I found the postcard for the first time in a long time, and it was so fresh that I could not remember the details of the postcard myself since several decades had passed.
Let me quote a few of them here.
"I arrived in London via Dubai, Saudi Arabia, at 6:00 AM. I told immigration that I was a tourist, but they suspected that I was studying abroad or something, and for a moment I thought I would be denied entry. The hotel was a B&B (Bed&Breakfast) about a 5-minute walk from Victoria Station, and I walked around from the first day. I walked around the palace, etc. The city is smaller than I expected and I can walk if I want to, so I don't have to walk for an hour or two and I don't get lost on the subway, which has become a model for Japan. (omission) The food in England is indeed bad. I buy apples and sandwiches at department stores and supermarkets and nibble on them. I've changed my plans and will enter Paris for now on the 30th by overnight flight. I'll tell you what."
In 1988, there was no Eurostar yet, and the only way to get to Paris was by plane or by boat across the Straits of Dover.
It was only after the direct connection between London and Paris that I heard rumors that the food in England had become better.
Dubai was not the tourist city it is today, and I had never even heard of it.
When we landed for refueling, bearded men in white came pounding into the cabin, looking as if they were about to pull a gun on us, but all they had in their hands were cleaning supplies.
It is interesting that although it is a postcard I wrote, through the ages it reads like an essay written by someone else.
I feel that something like the atmosphere of the times comes to the fore, rather than me as an individual.
In a previous issue, I wrote that I could not throw away the photos left by my parents.
It is not only the photos that I cannot throw away, but also the letters.
I should really throw them away already because they are personal, but I can't seem to throw them away easily.
I opened the letter that my aunt wrote to my mother, thinking that I shouldn't read it.
The letter begins with the words "Dear Sister..." and is so carefully worded that I feel as if I am reading a work of literature.
Of course, the letterhead is written vertically.
I feel as if the many brown letters that have come to my mother from the Showa and Heisei eras, transcend the individual, and give off the scent of the times and the universality of what people feel and think.
It is similar to the way that when you see a sepia-toned photograph in an antique store, you feel a presence that transcends who the person is and where he or she came from.
Letters transcend time, but they also transcend dimensions.
When you have lost someone and are having a hard time putting your heart back together, writing a letter to the person who has passed away may help you heal.
Facing one's feelings and putting them into words, writing down what one wants to say, can be a rich time.
I heard that there are "letter temples" in Funabashi, Chiba and Ginza, where you can write letters in a quiet space and have them burned at a Buddhist temple.
They also take care of your last letter.
If you are interested, you should check it out.